In our interpersonal relations, never forget that all our associates are human beings and hunger for appreciation.If we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and think of the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery that is cheap and false.The difference between appreciation and flattery is that of sincerity and insincerity, coming from the heart and the other from the teeth, one is selfish and the other unselfish.Be warned that flattery, unlike appreciation, will do you more harm than good.Understand that people crave praise and appreciation as much as they crave food, it gives them a sense of importance and belongingness.Praise, Appreciation and Sense of Importance.Principle 1: Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.“I will speak ill of no man and speak all the good I know of everybody.” Ben Franklin.We are dealing with creatures of emotion, filled with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity When dealing with people, remember we’re not dealing with creatures of logic.“Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s rook when your own doorstep is unclean,” Confucius.The person we’re going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself and condemn us in return Example: A foreman noted that his crew were not wearing their safety hats, instead of condemnation, he asked the workers if the hats were uncomfortable and then reminded the workers that the hats are designed for their safety and suggested that they wear it.The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralize employees, family members and friends and still not correct the condemned situation.As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation.An animal is rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior.Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s pride, hurts his sense of self importance and arouses resentment. Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and makes him strive to justify himself.These highlights were what I used to write my personal development book, Wiser Next Week, a condensation of many different self improvement books.įundamental Techniques For Handling People Below are my personal notes of How To Win Friends and Influence People.
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